My daughter when we received bad service from PANDORA!

My daughter when we received bad service from PANDORA!
This picture was sent to PANDORA! to highlight the grief they had caused - see the PANDORA! complaint below

Saturday 27 September 2014

Cath Kidston - for women who yearn to be back in the womb...

I don't get Cath Kidston. My wife and daughter love her stuff. I don't. Admittedly, I probably do not fall into Cath's typical target audience but nonetheless, polka dots and 1950's floral patterns? really?

Anyway, I wrote an email to customer services posing as an Army General looking to brighten the canvas dwellings at Camp Bastion in Afghanistan. The result? Some good banter from Cath's customer service manager and an unexpected delivery of about 6ft of flowery fabric!!! Don't look a gift horse in the mouth and all that... Enjoy:

The partially opened packaging of the material I received one Saturday morning from the delightful people at Cath Kidstons.

As you can see, about 8ft of the stuff. Not quite enough to give Camp Bastion a makeover, but enough for me to make a gorgeous London themed sarong. David Beckham, eat your heart out...


First email to Cath Kidstons:

From: crowley stephen
Sent: 26 June 2014 15:08
To: Cath Kidston Order Enquiries
Subject: Flowery Fabric

Attention and good day.

I am writing to enquire how much it would cost if I ordered 750 metres of flowery fabric for Camp Bastion. I need to replace the original camouflage yurt coverings, with something less intimidating to the locals. Your brand of floral patterns is just what I might be looking for.

kind regards

Sgt Major S. Crowley






____________________________________________________________________________

Cath Kidstons first response:

Dear Sgt Major Crowley

Thank you for your email which has been forwarded for my urgent attention.

We would be delighted to help you cheer up camp Bastion with our gorgeous fabric. You should be aware that our cotton duck fabric will fade in the sun but this will just add a lovely shabby chic feel. You will be the envy of camps all around the world.

If I can direct you to our website http://www.cathkidston.com/home_home-furnishing-cotton-fabric/dept/fcp-category/list?lng=&ctry=GB&page=1&results=48  you will see our complete range with pricing.

If you decide to order I can offer you a special 10% discount as long as you provide my team with a picture of you and your battalion for our noticeboard.

We are forever humbled by your dedication and sacrifice. Thank you for protecting and defending our country.



Kind Regards

LORRAINE KELLY
CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE MANAGER


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Attention Lorraine! Don't slouch your shoulders!
Many thanks for your email received at 0922 hours this morning.
Your offer of a discount is most kind. Whilst I cannot acquiesce to your request for a photo for obvious reasons (need I mention the Official Secrets Act?), I have taken the liberty of commissioning an artists impression of the Camp once the makeover has been completed. Please see the attached picture.
In the meantime, I think I have settled on the 'London Scene Cotton Duck' fabric - I think the Afghan locals will really appreciate the pictures of red London buses, Grenadier Guards and Buckingham Palace as a lasting memorial of the UK army's occupation of Helmand Province.
Could you give me a price on 750m of said fabric?
kind regards
Sgt Major S Crowley
As you can see Lorraine - my artist has researched your products thoroughly.

________________________________________________________________________________


Dear Sgt Major Crowley

Roger to not slouching the shoulders.

Your artist’s impression is very impressive, it does look wonderful. I especially like the reference to our prints, you have done your research. It’s easy to see why you hold the rank you do. Job well done Sgt Major Sir!

London print is a great choice, 750m of this fabric would be a very reasonable £15,000. With discount applied it comes to £12750, I will also include free UK shipping.

My team are disappointed not to receive a picture but we do understand the importance of security. I will ensure they start work on an artist’s impression of you immediately and it will take pride of place on our noticeboard.

If you wish to go ahead and place the order please email with the code word “ the eagle has landed”.  In the meantime would you like me to send you a sample of the fabric?

Kind Regards

LORRAINE KELLY
CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE MANAGER


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Attention Lorraine! Keep those shoulders straight!
Sgt Major here - many thanks for your kind words - yes, I know a thing or three about fabric - you'll not be surprised to hear that before my career in the army began, I was chief haberdasher of the Woking Haberdashers Guild - I received a name for myself after creating the now infamous 'front and backless pinafore'. It essentially consisted of a thin strip of floral fabric that was tied round the waist and offered very little protection against the elements, or cooking. It didn't take off I am afraid as women at the time were simply not prepared to go out naked save for a belt of flowery fabric round the midriff. I tried the look out for myself - around the home only of course, but that soon stopped after I managed to burn myself on the oven - I have had a curious limp ever since.
I decided shortly thereafter this cooking related accident, that a career in the army would be better suited to my maverick ways...and of course to my incessant thirst for killing people. LOL!
Anyway, look at me rambling on - your kind offer of a sample of fabric would be tip top, Lorraine. It just so happens I am on leave at present so if you wouldn't mind posting the swatch to the following address, I would be most grateful:
Sgt Major S Crowley
104 XXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXX
BS1 7FU
kindest regards
Sgt Major S Crowley

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The next day I received the fabric pictured above. Result!
 

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