My daughter when we received bad service from PANDORA!

My daughter when we received bad service from PANDORA!
This picture was sent to PANDORA! to highlight the grief they had caused - see the PANDORA! complaint below

Sunday 9 July 2017

"Some Traffic Wardens are Ass Clowns." Discuss.

I know what you're thinking - Another post on the same day? 

Yup - And It's not even close to Xmas. That's how much I care.

This is self explanatory. I got a parking ticket when on holiday in Devon. Only thing is I WAS displaying a valid ticket? I appealed and they let me off - quite right too. But I replied to vent my frustration at being inconvenienced.





Here's my email:

To: Devon Council Parking Enforcement
From: Steve Crowley

Dear Sirs

Thanks for letting me off my parking ticket. Really annoying that I had a valid ticket all along though.

I've attached a picture - feel free to use it next time you're recruiting more traffic wardens - nail on the head, don't you agree?




________________________________________________

Not sure why, but I never got a reply...




The Savage Squirrel

Whaddup bitches! (sorry - been listening to Kendrick Lamar rather a lot recently).

So - we moved just over a year ago. At the end of our front garden is a stream. On the bank of said stream is a big tree. Big tree drops it's shit in our gutter. I wrote to the council to ask if they would prune it back.

They eventually replied saying basically the tree is safe and structurally sound - not their problem. If I want to cut it back (because of course I'm really nimble and can scale trees like a ****ing gibbon) then I may do so, or pay £££'s to get a professional to do it.

I wasn't happy with their response - I already pay over £200 per month in Council Tax, so I wrote the email below, with pictures. I have been unable to elicit a response - bastards. I am still working on it and will update this post when/if I make some progress.



Here's the Council reply to my request to survey the tree:

Dear Mr Crowley,

Thank you for your recent enquiry relating to the trees at the above location.

I can confirm the site was inspected on 18thApril 2017 and an assessment made of the tree which is of concern to you. At the time of inspection, the tree appeared to be structurally sound with no significant defects or diseases.

Any work to council owned trees is prioritised with Health and Safety taking precedent. All other works are carried out at the discretion of Tree Officers and within available resource. Tree works are not carried out solely for the reason of shading, leaf/fruit fall, dropping sap, or the presence of insects. As the inspection identified no health and safety problems, tree works cannot be justified at present.

If you wish to cut back the tree, you have the common law right to remove branches to your boundary. If you wish to dispose of the branches on SGC land, you must first ask permission. If you wish to exercise your common law rights, but do not, or are unable to do the work yourself. We hold a list of approved, insured and qualified tree companies.

It is important to us that our trees are maintained to a safe standard and I regret we can be of no further assistance at this time.

Yours Sincerely


Ray Mears 
Arboricultural Technician
South Gloucestershire Council
Dept Environment and Community Services
Stakeholder Team
Mobile 07712 ******
Landline 01454 ******

_____________________________________________________






Here's my reply:

Ray. Thank you for the email. 

Could I ask you to reconsider pruning the tree? We're desperate:

There is a local squirrel that gains access to our bedroom via an overgrown branch on your tree. 

The other night, this crazed vermin crept into our bedroom and assaulted my wife by repeatedly scratching her face with its tiny claws. She required a tetanus shot.

To literally add insult to injury, the attacker flicked us the middle finger as it fled our home.

I attach pictures of the aftermath for your perusal.

We're not safe in our own home anymore. 

I trust you can now agree to prune back the tree for our own health and safety?

Kindest regards.





I heard nothing, so chased up the council for a response. They're playing hard ball so I will persevere and update this post when I get a reply:

Hi Ray. 

I don't appear to have received a response to my email. 

Could you confirm when your team will be coming out to prune the offending tree? 

We daren't open our windows for fear of the ferral squirrel, which as you can imagine is an inconvenience, what with the warm weather approaching.


Kindest regards

_________________________________________________

Still nothing, so I sent this:

Seriously Ray, do you think you could confirm when you're going to sorry this tree out? You've seen the state of that squirrel.

A reply would be much appreciated.

Kindest Gerard's.

_________________________________________________

I noticed a mistake in that last email so sent this:

Sorry Ray. My email should have read 'sort' not 'sorry'. I've turned to drink through fear of this damned squirrel, and mistyped in a drunken stupor.

Muchas Gracias 

_________________________________________________

I'll keep you posted with updates.



Tuesday 3 January 2017

Don't believe everything you read.

Happy New Year! 

A friend texted me in last couple of days to say the Bristol Evening Post and The Mirror had mentioned me in an article about the wonky bridge at the Cabot Circus shopping mall in Bristol. (I wrote a few emails to the people at Cabot Circus a couple of years back ((see here for the original blog post)) and it had now been mentioned in the press.)

Anyway, ever on the lookout for recognition, glory and fame in an otherwise mundane and essentially meaningless suburban life, I checked out the article on Bristol Evening Post and The Mirror's website. Sure enough, a brief mention of me, my blog post and the response from the lovely people at Cabot Circus appeared in the article. It read:


There is even a Facebook group devoted to the bridge, set up by Bristol blogger Steve Crowley, called 'The wonky bridge in Cabot Circus makes me feel dizzy and sick.' The closed group has 229 members.
In response to a letter from Mr Crowley about the bridge's dizzying effects, Berty Aherne, Customer Service Co-ordinator for Cabot Circus said: "The Cabot Circus car parking link bridge has been signed off to all mandatory requirements and the centre has won numerous awards for its design and building efficiency.
"The feedback to date has been positive from a design and practical point of view so we do not intend on making any changes for the foreseeable future."
They called me 'Bristol Blogger, Steve Crowley'? I liked that - made me feel dangerous, like a blogging version of Banksy. Just without the money. And fame. And talent. 

Anyway, the real point is this - did you see who replied to me from Cabot Circus? Yes, none other than Berty Aherne. Some of you will be tittering to yourselves right now. Well done you. For the rest of you, here is the email I sent to the Bristol Evening Post and Mirror newspapers to explain the mistake:





From: Steve Crowley
To: Bristol Evening Post, The Mirror UK

Subject: Your article on the Wonky Bridge in Bristol


Happy New Year!

The above named article was brought to my attention as it mentions me by name as well as my blog (http://stephencrowley.blogspot.co.uk/). 

I should probably make you aware that whilst all emails and responses from third parties on my blog are 100% genuine, I always change the names to protect anonymity and myself from accusations of libel. 

Unfortunately, your article includes the following quote:

In response to a letter from Mr Crowley about the bridge's dizzying effects, Berty Aherne, Customer Service Co-ordinator for Cabot Circus said: "The Cabot Circus car parking link bridge has been signed off to all mandatory requirements and the centre has won numerous awards for its design and building efficiency.

Berty Ahern was not the real name of the Cabot Circus employee that I corresponded with on my Cabot Circus blogpost. Berty Ahern was in fact Taoiseach (Head of Government) of Ireland from 1997-2008.

I am fairly confident he has never worked for Cabot Circus and I rather suspect he probably never will.

Here is a picture of him:



He is sat, quietly trying to restore his composure after walking across a wonky bridge that made him feel dizzy and sick.

I look forward to hearing from you presently.

Kindest regards


I heard back from the Journalist at Bristol Evening Post. A young (or perhaps seasoned - I've never met her) reporter by the name of Hunter S Thompson (remember what I said about protecting anonymity etc...?). She was good humoured about it and laughed it off - we all make mistakes don't we? God only knows I've made enough of them...

From: Hunter S Thompson (Bristol Evening Ppost)
To: Steve Crowley

Hi Stephen

Thanks for your email which has certainly made me laugh out loud (and feel somewhat embarrassed) this morning. 

It would appear the Daily Mirror didn't pick up on this when they ran the story either. 

I did attempt to contact Cabot Circus for myself when I wrote the story but wasn't able to get hold of anyone. 

I thoroughly enjoyed reading the blog and I hope it's ok that I referenced it for the purposes of my story.

I will amend the copy to read 'a spokesman for Cabot Circus said'- just to be on the safe side.

Kind Regards

Hunter S Thompson
Bristol Post