Whaddup bitches! (sorry - been listening to Kendrick Lamar rather a lot recently).
So - we moved just over a year ago. At the end of our front garden is a stream. On the bank of said stream is a big tree. Big tree drops it's shit in our gutter. I wrote to the council to ask if they would prune it back.
They eventually replied saying basically the tree is safe and structurally sound - not their problem. If I want to cut it back (because of course I'm really nimble and can scale trees like a ****ing gibbon) then I may do so, or pay £££'s to get a professional to do it.
I wasn't happy with their response - I already pay over £200 per month in Council Tax, so I wrote the email below, with pictures. I have been unable to elicit a response - bastards. I am still working on it and will update this post when/if I make some progress.
Here's the Council reply to my request to survey the tree:
Dear Mr Crowley,
Thank you for your recent enquiry relating to the trees at the above location.
I can confirm the site was inspected on 18thApril 2017 and an assessment made of the tree which is of concern to you. At the time of inspection, the tree appeared to be structurally sound with no significant defects or diseases.
Any work to council owned trees is prioritised with Health and Safety taking precedent. All other works are carried out at the discretion of Tree Officers and within available resource. Tree works are not carried out solely for the reason of shading, leaf/fruit fall, dropping sap, or the presence of insects. As the inspection identified no health and safety problems, tree works cannot be justified at present.
If you wish to cut back the tree, you have the common law right to remove branches to your boundary. If you wish to dispose of the branches on SGC land, you must first ask permission. If you wish to exercise your common law rights, but do not, or are unable to do the work yourself. We hold a list of approved, insured and qualified tree companies.
It is important to us that our trees are maintained to a safe standard and I regret we can be of no further assistance at this time.
Yours Sincerely
Ray Mears
Arboricultural Technician
South Gloucestershire Council
Dept Environment and Community Services
Stakeholder Team
Mobile 07712 ******
Landline 01454 ******
_____________________________________________________
Here's my reply:
Ray. Thank you for the email.
Could I ask you to reconsider pruning the tree? We're desperate:
There is a local squirrel that gains access to our bedroom via an overgrown branch on your tree.
The other night, this crazed vermin crept into our bedroom and assaulted my wife by repeatedly scratching her face with its tiny claws. She required a tetanus shot.
To literally add insult to injury, the attacker flicked us the middle finger as it fled our home.
I attach pictures of the aftermath for your perusal.
We're not safe in our own home anymore.
I trust you can now agree to prune back the tree for our own health and safety?
Kindest regards.
I heard nothing, so chased up the council for a response. They're playing hard ball so I will persevere and update this post when I get a reply:
Hi Ray.
I don't appear to have received a response to my email.
Could you confirm when your team will be coming out to prune the offending tree?
We daren't open our windows for fear of the ferral squirrel, which as you can imagine is an inconvenience, what with the warm weather approaching.
Kindest regards
_________________________________________________
Still nothing, so I sent this:
Seriously Ray, do you think you could confirm when you're going to sorry this tree out? You've seen the state of that squirrel.
A reply would be much appreciated.
Kindest Gerard's.
_________________________________________________
I noticed a mistake in that last email so sent this:
Sorry Ray. My email should have read 'sort' not 'sorry'. I've turned to drink through fear of this damned squirrel, and mistyped in a drunken stupor.
Muchas Gracias
_________________________________________________
I'll keep you posted with updates.
