South Gloucestershite Council

Evening all. A few months back I got a parking ticket after parking for a whole 2 minutes on double yellows whilst making a request for a repeat prescription from my GP surgery. I was a bit miffed about it - yes, I know the law, and no I don't think that I am above it, but I also don't believe all things in life are black and white and I just felt that my treatment (i.e. a fine) was a little harsh. I mean, if I'd parked there, causing obstruction to other vehicles and pedestrians and in the meantime buggered off for an hour to do my shopping, then yes, lock me up and throw away the key. But TWO minutes? Really? Anyway I appealed the fine - which was unsuccessful, So after some deliberating, I figured what better way to get my money's worth from the fine imposed by my local council (South Gloucestershire, by the way), than to take part in a little civil mischief and disobedience?

I was utterly frustrated by the bureaucracy and the faceless and inhuman (not inhumane - I'm not a drama queen) way I had been treated.

I thought that the local governmental department that probably best exemplified this Orwellian shower of shit, would be the planning department - I had visions of the Circumlocution Office from Little Dorritt by one Charles Dickens. It seems little has changed in some 150 years...

To: South Gloucestershire Planning Applications

From: Steve Crowley

Dear sirs,

I was boggled by the sheer volume of options in this bureaucratic mess of bureaucracy.

So, to help, perhaps you can..... Help.

I wish to erect a Wiccan Temple in my back garden. Nothing big. Maybe 10ft by 10ft by 10ft, with a chimney extending to 20ft. It will only be used for animal and on occasion, human sacrifice to the God of Pedantry, Gerald.

I am sure I will need some form of planning permission so perhaps you could advise me on the initial steps in the process?

The Temple will be used mainly during daylight hours (it is customary for sacrifices to be made during hours of darkness but I fully appreciate I live in a residential area and the blood curdling screams of victims might disturb neighbours' sleep, and I'm sure the God Gerald won't mind, so long as he gets his fill of weasel and fair virgin)

Anyway, please let me know what forms need to be completed?

Kindest regards