The law is an ass!

It's official - I am a criminal. A vile reprobate and a menace to society.

I was caught speeding recently. I don't own a particularly fast car, and I am certainly not a boy racer - I am 38 years old, a teacher, I like brown corduroys and shirts made by Barbour....And I am ginger.

Anyway, I was invited on a Driver Speed Awareness Course in forfeit of a fine and points on my licence. I acceeded.

The course was actually quite interesting, and as I mention below, for what it is worth, I genuinely do think the Police do a damned tough and important job - and for the most part, they probably get it right. However, after attending the course, I felt a little aggrieved, so I sent an email to Devon and Cornwall Constabulary:

The man in the picture is me being brutally attacked by the police*

(*entirely untrue)

Email to Devon and Cornwall Constabulary

Letter of appreciation:

Dear sir/madam



I am writing to thank you for allowing me the opportunity of attending a Driver Improvement Course recently. One of your cameras recorded me doing 73mph in a 60mph zone. I felt ashamed. I felt like a criminal. I felt like I had let society down. I hadn't done it intentionally - I genuinely thought it was a 70mph zone (it was a dual carriageway) and I must have missed the 60mph signs.

I am glad you highlighted the error of my ways however, and I hope the£80 I spent on the course is put to good use – funding legal representation for cases involving institutional racism in the police force for example, libel hearings or cases involving alleged inappropriate behaviour with female colleagues perhaps?

Anyway, I digress. The Driver Improvement Course was very helpful. The overall message of the day seemed to be (and I would seriously suggest you sit down at this point, as the next revelation is bound to turn your world upside down) - "The faster you drive, the longer it will take you to stop". I know what you're thinking - "SHUT...UP..." but I am serious. Furthermore, from what I can gather from the course, had I crashed at the speed I was recorded at (73mph), my rear passengers would have been propelled forward into the back of my and my wife's heads at a force equivalent to 3 Hiroshima bombs, leaving them dead instantly, whereas had I crashed at the 60mph limit placed on that stretch of road, my rear passengers would only have collided into the back of us, with the force of a cute and cuddly blue whale (the largest animal ever to have existed on this beautiful green and blue planet). MUCH safer, I am sure you will agree.

So thank you. I am an honest, hardworking teacher. I feel that I contribute to society as fully as I can. And for what it is worth, I think the Police on the whole do a pretty good job too. I couldn't do it, that's for sure. But the law is an ass - I made a simple mistake.

Before I go, let me tell you a story that might help to explain why I readily paid the £80 for this course instead of contesting it: Picture a hot night in September 2006 - about 1am. My wife is heavily pregnant. She is in pain and having contractions every 10 minutes. We ring the hospital. Contractions are getting closer together. They tell us to make our way in. We begin driving. My wife is in increasing pain. Whilst giving birth to our previous child, my wife nearly died - once from an adverse reaction to analgesia, and once because the baby couldn't get out (she would surely be dead were it not for the wonders of medical science).

Understandably, I wanted to get to hospital in a bit of a hurry. You'll be pleased to know the next day my child was safely delivered by Caesarian section (again, wife would have died were it not for modern medicine). Two weeks later I received a Notice of Intended Prosecution. I had been caught doing 38mph in a 30mph zone.

I was recorded on the way to the hospital at about 1:15am. I contested the Notice. I sent a birth certificate to prove my child was born just hours after I was caught speeding. I sent a map, proving the speed camera that recorded me was on route betwixt my home and the hospital. I sent a polite letter stating this Notice could not possibly be considered 'in the spirit of the law' given the circumstances. I offered the court access to my wife's hospital records to prove that we had real concerns about her safety following the birth of our first child.

And do you know what happened? Instead of making me pay £60 that the Chief Bastard at Court originally offered to me, he made me pay £100 plus costs for wasting the Courts time. ‘Bastard’ is putting it mildly.

And that dear sirs, is why I feel a little bitter and disenchanted about having to be patronised for 4 hours at a course aimed at idiots who have no grasp of Newton’s laws of motion, when I could have been at school, helping prepare 100 or so young people to make a positive contribution to society.


Kindest regards


Steve Crowley 



_________________________________________________________________



I got this response from the Police - it wasn't funny, understanding or compassionate:

Dear Mr Crowley,

 

I have, this morning been forwarded your email dated 23^rd May 2014 to the Force, which has been labelled as “Letter of appreciation”.

 

Having read your email I am not sure that the title is a true representation of the contents.

 

I am not able to comment on the circumstances of your previous offence as I suspect this was in another Force area and I am equally unable to comment upon ‘modern medicine’.

 

The course fees in this Force area are not used for anything else apart from recovery of costs of the safety camera unit operations, together with a payment to the course providers.

 

With regard to the content of the speed awareness and other driver educational courses, this is set at a national level and has been developed over a number of years. The key message is, as you say, to “Slow down”. This Force along with many others would rather educate drivers than simply issue a fine with penalty points, if possible. The offer of a course is as stated, just an offer, and attendance cannot be repeated within a period of 3 years.

 

Many other motorists who have attended these courses, have given genuine thanks for the opportunity to attend and claim to have been reminded of many key safety elements. As a teacher, I am sure you can appreciate that the audience at each course will be made up of people with different attitudes and learning requirements, but in general the overwhelming feedback we receive is positive.

 

I shall bear your points in mind when I next sit in on a Speed Awareness course and also when we have our next contract review meeting with our course providers.

 

Jack Regan

Safety Camera Unit Manager

Peninsula Road Safety Partnership

Crownhill Police Station

Plymouth

PL6 5HT