The Faceless Face of Customer Facing Food Stores

I use supermarkets like everyone else because they are cheaper than independent stores and they are quick and convenient. However, they are such sterile and clinical places that I do feel alienated at times by the whole experience (see previous post re: Dawn of the Dead).

Anyway, we did some shopping for my mother in law and I spotted a bag of potatoes, the packaging of which just seemed to sum up the banality of these huge homogenised corporations. I wrote to Sainsbury's and tried to offer some advice and guidance:



Dear sir/madam

I am writing to congratulate you on a sublime piece of marketing. See the attached photo. It is a bag of vegetables labelled Potatoes - Great for family meals - Easy and versatile.
 

I would like to offer my thanks to the Marketing guru who came up with that catchy slogan. It works on so many levels. Genius.

Whilst you clearly seem to employ the best in the business, I'd like to offer my services to your Marketing Department as I feel I am on much the same wavelength. I attach some conceptual artwork just as a taster of the unique talent I have to offer.

Conceptual artwork for Baked Beans - sorry, I went a bit out of the lines - this won't happen on the real packaging as I can write all the way round the tin.

In addition, below are a few food marketing taglines I have come up with (it must be a gift as it took literally minutes to think of them):

1. Baked beans - perfect on toast
2. Butter - spread it on bread for a unique culinary experience
3. Eggs - boil for 3 minutes for the perfect fast food (spoon and eggcup not included)*
4. Rice - eat it with curry
5. Pasta - add tuna and mayonnaise for an authentic taste of Italy
6. Milk - healthy calcium rich alternative to water
7. Yoghurt - it might be gone off milk but it's full of bacteria**
8. Cheese - tastes a bit like curdled cheesy milk**
9. Orange juice - drink it
10. Fish - edible animals from the sea

Serving suggestion for Pasta

* You may want to check copyright on this as I have a feeling Delia Smith used this recipe in one of her cookbooks. An alternative might be "For extra runny boiled egg, do not boil".
 

** I'm a bit worried about the wording here - whilst factually accurate, it might put some consumers off buying it.
 

I look forward to hearing from you with your thoughts on my ideas.
 

Kindest regards
 

Steve Crowley

 

 

PS. One word of warning - you may want to include cooking instructions on the Potatoes packaging - I had no idea potatoes were best served cooked, and ate thinly sliced raw potato on foccacia bread - I was consequently sick out of my bottom for 48 hours.


_______________________________________________________________


I got this response:


Our Ref: XXXXXXXX

Dear Mr Steve Crowley

Thank you for your email regarding the packaging of our own brand potatoes.

Please be assured that we value your feedback as this helps us to constantly improve our products and services.

After looking at the photo you kindly provided, I can confirm that it says on the packaging "for great family meals". However I have logged your feedback on to our internal system and this will be made available to our Marketing team to review and work hard to make any necessary improvements on our packaging in the future.

I understand your concerns regarding the cooking instructions not being on the packaging, I have let this be known to our buying who will ensure that experiences like yours are prevented in the future.

We appreciate you taking the time to contact us and hope to see you in store again soon.


Yours sincerely,

Moses McConahay
Customer Manager
Sainsbury's Supermarkets Ltd | 33 Holborn, London | EC1N 2HT
customer.service@sainsburys.co.uk | 0800 636 262
twitter.com/sainsburys | facebook.com/sainsburys

_____________________________________________________________________


I replied, naturally:

Thank you for your email. Your time is much appreciated.

I am glad you can confirm what the packaging says. It does indeed say 'for great family meals', and not 'great for family meals' as I had suggested. I feel embarrassed to have made such a school boy error.

You do not seem to have commented on my proposed product taglines or artwork. I have lots more I could send to you if this would help your marketing department? Indeed, as a freelance artist, would you be interested in buying my artwork?

Finally, you say that you hope to see me in store soon - I do my weekly shopping on a Saturday morning. Will you be there this weekend? Perhaps we could meet up and discuss serving suggestions and agree a price on my artwork.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Kind regards

___________________________________________________________________

Sainsbury's got back to me after I had sent 2 chasing emails, 2 days later:

Our Ref: XXXXXXXX

Dear Mr Steve Crowley

Thank you for your further email. I am sorry you have not received a response from us regarding your proposed art work.

I have now passed your your details and your artwork on to our marketing team to review and if they are interested in your creative taglines, then they will be in touch with you to discuss further.

Thank you again for taking the time to contact us. Unfortunately we would not be able to see you personally to discuss your marketing ideas but hope you continue to shop with us.


Yours sincerely,

Moses McConahay
Customer Manager
Sainsbury's Supermarkets Ltd | 33 Holborn, London | EC1N 2HT


__________________________________________________________________

This sounded promising, so I thought I would see if I could get some work with their Marketing department - but first, I had to impress them further with my dazzling artistic prowess:

That is great news. Many thanks - I really appreciate it.

I attach a couple more pieces of art I have been hard at work producing. Could you pass these on as well please?

I ran out of room but wanted to include additional uses of toilet paper such as 'for runny noses, blotting shaving cuts and wiping up bodily fluids.'

I thought the pictures of a fish and a finger would be perfect in helping the blind to know what is in the packaging since they obviously can't read.

Would you also be able to pass me the name and email address of someone at your Marketing Department so I can liaise with them directly?

Thanks again - it seems that after 30 years as an unemployed artist/male escort, I am finally going to land some real paid work - you see, I never had the looks for escorting, but always had a knack for catchy phrases and drawing.

Kindest regards

Steve



______________________________________________________________

Sainsbury's replied with this:

Our Ref: XXXXXXXX

Dear Mr Steve Crowley

Thank you for your response and further attached artwork.

Unfortunately we are unable to provide you with direct contact details for our marketing departments. However, please be assured that your suggestions and artwork have been recorded and should they be interested in working with you in future they will be in touch with you directly.

We are grateful for your time in sharing your feedback and ideas with us and hope you will continue to be one of our valued customers.


Yours sincerely,

Moses McConahay
Customer Manager
Sainsbury's Supermarkets Ltd | 33 Holborn, London | EC1N 2HT


_________________________________________________________________

How boring. I obviously couldn't leave it there so I made one last ditch attempt and sent a message to what I thought was the email address of Justin King - CEO of Sainsbury's

Justin,

 

 

Please see my previous emails.

 

 

I have had limited success by contacting customer services and I get the impression they are not taking me very seriously.

 

Perhaps you could intervene?

 

I will forward to you, my subsequent emails in this email chain.

 

As an aside, I am sorry to hear that you are leaving Sainsbury's this summer. I truly believe that you have made Sainsbury's great again (with the exception of the potatoes packaging that I highlight in this email)

 

kindest regards

 

Steve Crowley

 

Many thanks

 

 

_________________________________________________________________

 

After several chasing emails, I got this arid reply:

 

 

Dear Mr Crowley

 

Thank you for your email, which I have shared with Mr King.

 

With regards to our Marketing team all our vacancies are listed on our website https://sainsburys.jobs/.

 

Yours sincerely

 

Miss Moneypenny

 

Assistant to Justin King | Chief Executive's Office

 

 

 

____________________________________________________________________

 

I gave up after this. But they've got 3 months to change their packaging or I might find the need to complain again.

 

Oh well, you can't win them all...