Scholl are taking the piss...

Hello. I've been meaning to write to Scholl for some considerable time. I think it was last summer when I was in a shop and just happened to note their 'Cream for cracked heels'. See the photo below: 

The following email chain will be self explanatory:


1st June 2015
From: Steve Crowley
To: Scholl

Dear Sirs

Please see the attached photo.

I was out shopping with my wife recently to purchase some foot cream when I stumbled across one of your products.

On closer examination of your 'cream for repairing cracked heels', I noticed the ingredients. At first glance, nothing unusual, until I noticed the word 'urea'. That's right 'UREA'. Or in layman's terms - PISS!

Please tell me this is a simple typing error? To think my wife came incredibly close to rubbing someone else's piss into her feet makes me feel quite nauseous. Not to mention the dozens of avid Scholl consumers who have already no doubt rubbed several tubes of piss into their already trauma inducing and aesthetically upsetting feet. I mean feet are pretty ugly damned things at the best of times, and to add insult to injury, you're duping innocent people into soaking their extremities in piss?! Shame on you.

Another thing I'd like you to address is where are your getting all this piss from? Is every Scholl employee required to provide a sample for manufacturing purposes? Do you kidnap the homeless and force them into some sort of sick 'piss slavery' at some underground dungeon at Scholl HQ? Do you have thousands of rats hooked up to milking machines modified for extracting tiny volumes of rat piss?

I think you have some serious ethical questions to answer.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Kindest regards 

______________________________________________________________

I received this reply which was curiously prefaced with the words WITHOUT PREJUDICE - a legal term meaning that if I took them to court, their response was not admissable as evidence - just a little bit over cautious I'd say, unless Scholl really are harvesting rat piss or abducting the homeless...:

3rd June 2015

From: Scholl

To: Steve Crowley

WITHOUT PREJUDICE

Dear Mr Crowley,

Thank you for your e-mail regarding Scholl cracked heel repair cream.

I was concerned and sorry to hear your comments. However, both the marketing team and myself are always interested in and, indeed, value feedback from consumers, both positive and negative.

I can confirm that Urea is a common ingredient in many types of cosmetic products. Urea is a compound which does naturally occur in Urine along with many other compounds, however the Urea used for cosmetic products is formulated in a laboratory using Ammonia and Carbon Dioxide.

Other products containing urea can include hair conditioners, body lotions, teeth whitening products, skin softeners, bath oils, facial cleansers, and cosmetics such as eye makeup, facial makeup, makeup removers, tanning/bronzing lotions, and cuticle removers

Once again I’m sorry for the inconvenience caused.

Yours sincerely,

Urea Heap
Consumer Relations

_________________________________________________________

Very informative. Thanks Scholl. So I thought I'd try and blag some free stuff.

3rd June 2015

From: Steve Crowley

To: Scholl

Thank you for your reply. It is most appreciated.

That does put my mind at rest - laboratory engineered piss. Thank God for that, I had visions of all sorts of depravity going on at Scholl HQ.

I should have known better from such a well recognised and respected footcare brand.

So, could I request a sample of products from Scholl in order to test their efficacy? If they are as good as you say, I am sure you will not hesitate in furnishing me with some merchandise in order to restore my confidence in your products.

Address:

Mr S Crowley

29 Acacia Road

Bristol 

BS15 5TF

kindest regards

___________________________________________________________

Here's their response:

4th June 2015

From: Scholl

To: Steve Crowley

WITHOUT PREJUDICE

Dear Mr Crowley,

Thank you for your email and for requesting samples.

As you can imagine we receive a high volume of requests like yours on a daily basis and unfortunately we are unable to fulfil these requests.   

We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause.

Thank you once again for taking the time to contact us.

Yours sincerely,

Urea Heap

Consumer Affairs Representative

Thanks for that Scholl. I didn't want to give up though.

5th June 2015

From Steve Crowley

To: Scholl

Hi - I cannot for the life of me imagine that you receive any complaints or requests quite like mine, and most certainly not on a daily basis. Your dozens of customers are too busy dressing their corns and bunions.

I am still therefore awaiting some complimentary Scholl products. 

PS do you think I am going to take Scholl to Court? If so, why? And if not, why are you entitling your emails ‘Without Prejudice’???

kindest Gerards.

________________________________________________________

6th June 2015

From: Scholl

To: Steve Crowley

WITHOUT PREJUDICE

Dear Mr Crowley,

Thank you for your recent contact.

All of our communication with consumers is headed with without prejudice as a legal requirement.

It is our company policy that we do not give complimentary products to our consumers due to the high volume of request that we receive.

Thank you once again for taking the time to contact us.

Yours sincerely,

Urea Heap
Consumer Relations

One last try at blagging?

7th June2015

From: Steve Crowley

To: Scholl

Ok. I see. You want to play hard ball. I respect that.

How about if I send you a postal order for £10 and you grease my palms with a Scholl lucky dip bag? Throw in a pack of complimentary corn plasters and we’ll call it a deal?

___________________________________________________________

Scholl, you tight fisted meanies:

9th June 2015

From: Scholl

To: Steve Crowley

WITHOUT PREJUDICE

Dear Mr Crowley,


Our product are available to buy online and in store from major pharmacies and supermarkets such as Asda, Boots, Superdrug, Tesco etc. 

Regards

Urea Heap 
Consumer Relations 

__________________________________________________________

Time to call it a day - not all complaints are fruitful - what an anti climax! You can sense the disappointment in not receiving any complimentary corn plasters in the tone of my final email:

10th June 2015

From: Steve Crowley

To: Scholl

That’s incredibly helpful.

Thank you so much…