Enjoy...
Samsung Account Number: XXXXXXXXXX IMEI No: XXXXXXXXXXX/01
I am writing to vent my frustration at the sudden deterioration in my smartphones' performance. Allow me to briefly explain at length:
A couple of weeks ago, a message popped up on my phone stating something to the effect of 'You must update your Android operating system from 3.0.0.4.3.2.3.5 aka Imperial Mints to version 4.0.0.0.0.0.1.0.2, aka Werther's Originals'. I am of course paraphrasing since I can never remember the exact wording of these on screen messages - even the words 'would you like to save your work?' Fills me with dread and causes me to break out in hives.
Anyway, I assumed an update would be a good thing given that by implication, the word 'update' means up to date, which, call me a stickler for definitions, I take to be the opposite of out of date. An update seemed like a jolly good idea, so I updated.
Soon after the so called update, I noticed several things causing concern with the way my phone performed. Firstly, the battery life was much poorer. I am aware that smartphone batteries have historically been a bugbear of the handheld device (after all, I fully appreciate that powering a pocket sized computer with nothing more than a lithium filled throat lozenge is going to be a big ask), but my battery now allows me to do little more than send a couple of texts and write part of a complaint letter before going dea.......
Sorry, after 2 days of recharging I am back to finish my letter. As I was saying - before going dead on me.
The second problem is that my phone will now sporadically freeeeeeezzzzzzzeeeeeeee.
Sorry, after powering off and on again, I am up and running once more. As I was saying, my phone sporadically freezes whilst performing the simplest of tasks. Like for example, making a phone call. I know what you're thinking - But smartphones aren't designed with phone calls in mind. Nonetheless, it is not much to ask.
The third problem I have is that the phone intermittently becomes very warm. Now, I keep my phone in my front trouser pocket and I fear that the constant thermo nuclear temperatures radiating from my phone has microwaved my scrotum to such a level over such a protracted period of time that I have been rendered sterile.
So, please advise how you intend to rectify this matter. By way of recompense, I seriously hope a course of IVF treatment is on the cards, but if you feel my claim on this ground is a little tenuous, I at least expect a replacement phone that is fit for purpose. Some peripherals would go down well too - a bluetooth headset for example - the unemployed shell suited men who skulk the aisles of my local Asda of a Saturday morning seem to be convinced that it is THE look for 2014.
Kindest regards
Steve Crowley
PS If my phone deteriorates any further, we will need to resort to communication by smoke signal. At least then my phone will come in handy as I can use the intense heat emitted from the unit to start the necessary fires...
I am writing to vent my frustration at the sudden deterioration in my smartphones' performance. Allow me to briefly explain at length:
A couple of weeks ago, a message popped up on my phone stating something to the effect of 'You must update your Android operating system from 3.0.0.4.3.2.3.5 aka Imperial Mints to version 4.0.0.0.0.0.1.0.2, aka Werther's Originals'. I am of course paraphrasing since I can never remember the exact wording of these on screen messages - even the words 'would you like to save your work?' Fills me with dread and causes me to break out in hives.
Anyway, I assumed an update would be a good thing given that by implication, the word 'update' means up to date, which, call me a stickler for definitions, I take to be the opposite of out of date. An update seemed like a jolly good idea, so I updated.
Soon after the so called update, I noticed several things causing concern with the way my phone performed. Firstly, the battery life was much poorer. I am aware that smartphone batteries have historically been a bugbear of the handheld device (after all, I fully appreciate that powering a pocket sized computer with nothing more than a lithium filled throat lozenge is going to be a big ask), but my battery now allows me to do little more than send a couple of texts and write part of a complaint letter before going dea.......
Sorry, after 2 days of recharging I am back to finish my letter. As I was saying - before going dead on me.
The second problem is that my phone will now sporadically freeeeeeezzzzzzzeeeeeeee.
Sorry, after powering off and on again, I am up and running once more. As I was saying, my phone sporadically freezes whilst performing the simplest of tasks. Like for example, making a phone call. I know what you're thinking - But smartphones aren't designed with phone calls in mind. Nonetheless, it is not much to ask.
The third problem I have is that the phone intermittently becomes very warm. Now, I keep my phone in my front trouser pocket and I fear that the constant thermo nuclear temperatures radiating from my phone has microwaved my scrotum to such a level over such a protracted period of time that I have been rendered sterile.
So, please advise how you intend to rectify this matter. By way of recompense, I seriously hope a course of IVF treatment is on the cards, but if you feel my claim on this ground is a little tenuous, I at least expect a replacement phone that is fit for purpose. Some peripherals would go down well too - a bluetooth headset for example - the unemployed shell suited men who skulk the aisles of my local Asda of a Saturday morning seem to be convinced that it is THE look for 2014.
Kindest regards
Steve Crowley
PS If my phone deteriorates any further, we will need to resort to communication by smoke signal. At least then my phone will come in handy as I can use the intense heat emitted from the unit to start the necessary fires...
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