My daughter when we received bad service from PANDORA!

My daughter when we received bad service from PANDORA!
This picture was sent to PANDORA! to highlight the grief they had caused - see the PANDORA! complaint below

Friday 16 December 2011

Down with Banks

Nothing annoys me more than banks, with all their money and stuff....


Below is a letter I sent to my bank when I got fed up trying to transfer my own money to another of my bank accounts....not that simple:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

COMPLAINT
Halifax
PO Box 548
Leeds
LS1 1WU.

10th November 2011
My account number:XXXXXXXX

Dear Sirs,
I am writing to express my frustration at your online fraud prevention measures. Allow me to briefly explain:
I wish to transfer my own money in my own Halifax account to another bank, the account of which, is in my name also. Straightforward, you might think, but no. 

The problem arises that my mobile phone number was incorrectly entered into your system records (and no, not by me, it was misread on a paper form when the account was first set up at your offices). As such, I have had to amend my mobile number as it appears online so that you can text me an OTP (One Time Passcode, I believe) which I can enter into your online banking site and confirm my request for transfer of monies. The problem I have is the 7 plus days it takes for you to amend your records. In the meantime I am unable to effectively move my own money. 

I rang your offices last week and spoke to someone who was admittedly polite but completely unable to help. I said 'Hi there, I've got this problem (please see above for truncated version), so since I am speaking to you on the phone right now, ask me any security questions you like, I'll answer them accurately and correctly, and you can authorise the change of phone numbers. Your polite but effectively disempowered assistant was unable to assist. I find this situation bizarre - you want to confirm who I am before you accept my change of phone number, yet you merely make me wait 7 plus days and then change the phone number. I see two issues here.

1. Short of plucking a strand of hair and sending it to you for DNA analysis, what better way to confirm my identity than on the phone with stringent security questions? (for example, ask me what I wanted to call my son when he was born and I would answer Odysseus Sage - that answer has to be more fraud resistant than a 64 point DNA test result alone? Who else in their right mind would give such an answer?)

2. I find it hard to believe that fraudsters involved in a highly organised criminal global industry worth billions of £/$/Euros (ever tried to get the blue Euro sign to work on your keyboard? Perhaps you could answer that as well when you reply, I would very much appreciate it), would simply think after 6 days "Well, we gave it a shot lads, but I don't think the bank fell for it". At some point, I would imagine that one plucky minor gangster, keen on making an impression in the criminal underworld says (and I'm doing my best Michael Caine impression in the Italian Job here), "Hang on lads, I've got an idea - what if we wait 7 days, and perhaps the bank will authorise the change of phone number and we can do Mr S Crowley, the chump, out of £200. Mwahahahahahahahah."

In short, I fail to see why 7 days is such a foolproof fraud prevention measure, and I further fail to see why I couldn't ring and tell you to change it. It is as if Halifax has taken the view that the passage of time space itself is a more reliable indication of reality than my voice on the phone and an intimate working knowledge of my own life. It's an interesting case I admit, but a bit 'Matrix meets Plato' - the first being a fictional film and thus easily dismissed, and the second being a Greek Philosopher who probably (like many of his contemporaries) had an unhealthy interest in young boys and whose theories have been since discredited as 'utter crap' (I'm quoting myself there, but I think you'll find many modern day thinkers have similar views.)

I await your reply with all the zeal of someone who has many better things to worry about in life.

Kind regards.



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