PANDORA! and the One Ring to Rule them all...

Ok - this email chain is looooong, HOWEVER, I think it is my best work yet. It has humour and wit, pictures, photographs and some witty responses from PANDORA! themselves. (You will see why I refer to this company as PANDORA!, as you read through the email chain)

And the result was £50 by way of an apology. Result!!!

Enjoy..........

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This is my first complaint email to PANDORA!

1st April 2014

Dear Pandora,

I am writing to seek resolution to something that I never thought would cause so much trauma and heartache - the purchase of a ring for an 11 year old little girl for Christmas.

This whole sorry saga began in November 2013 (see attached photo of receipt as proof of purchase). My wife paid for the ring on the understanding that it would need to be made to order to fit my daughter's sylph like finger. My wife was told that it could take a while and it was likely to be later than Christmas - possibly January of 2014. My daughter really wanted this ring and was prepared to wait. We have after all, raised her to appreciate the middle class virtue of deferred gratification. If that phrase is a little lost on you, think Heinz Tomato Ketchup - the best things come to those who wait...

Christmas came and went. It was traumatic, not least because I undercooked the turkey and made 15 close family members seriously ill with some form of botulism.

Naked Wines - what a jolly good bunch!

Ok, so it seems complaints and mischief letters are like buses. I shalln't say anymore...

I have been a member of Naked Wines for a couple of years and they are great. And I have to say that they handled this complaint fantastically well, if not a little slow to reply (although I guess 4 days isn't unreasonable). This is almost my biggest haul to date, as I got £83 worth of free wine out of it. Result!!!

I have changed names to allow anonymity but these people were high up the chain at Naked Wines. Enjoy!!!

PS: I am aware today is April 1st - this is genuine and not a hoax - just like all my other posts on this blog.

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28th March 2014 - email chain to Naked Wines:

Dear Roger,

My postcode: XXXX XXX

I have just come off the phone to Peter at your offices. Very pleasant and polite he was too.

The reason for my calling your office was because yesterday I received a case of 12 bottles of red wine which I do not recall ordering.


Nonetheless, I threw caution to the wind and assumed it must be a present from your good self, in recognition of my frugal support of Naked Wines over the last year or two. So, I polished off a bottle in one sitting last night. If I were to describe the wine to you, I would say it was a lovely red with deep velvety contempt, a crisp smack of assumption and heady notes of pretention. I have to say, I liked it very much.

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So....it's been a while - wow, my last post was 2012...however, I have always held true to the fact that I would never post anything here fraudulently - it all needs to be genuine, and so for the last 18 months or so, I have had no cause to complain or wind anyone up! Until today.....I was looking to replace a laptop after my children thought that machines could get 'thirsty' and so decided to tip a pint of orange squash on the keyboard. Laptop didn't like that and promptly died. My children are now on basic rations until they are old enough to fight me for their freedom...

Below are 2 true accounts of an online discussion with a Dell sales rep - I am pretending to be the supervillain from Superman - (no not Lex Luthor) - GENERAL ZOD!!!

I should explain that I refer to 'alienware' - this is advertised on the Dell website and I still do not know exactly what it is - but this was my inspiration for becoming Zod - I thought I could pretend to think alienware is clothing for aliens....see where I am going with this??? The first person, called Ram, gave up on me (I really don't blame him), so there is a 2nd online conversation below with Amit.

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!

Enjoy!

Virgin Medicals...ding ding, round 2

I have had cause to visit the Virgin Media website several times recently due to a complaint that is currently ongoing. I will post the results to that when it is resolved. As a result of visiting the website, one of those windows popped up again - see the post below if you don't follow me. It is frustrating that after a while, the Virgin Media man can end the online conversation and stop me from typing if he gets fed up, so I had to go back several times to finish the conversation. It is also amusing that these employees are obviously from an offshore call centre and have stereotyped the British public as being homogenously Christian since it appears that every employee is a man named after one of the four Gospels. It would be nice to see them reflect our British multicultural society a little more accurately and greet me with a 'Sanjeev', 'Muhammad', 'Daniel' or 'Sarah'.......anyhoo - enjoy:

Web conversation #1